Sunday, January 8, 2012

18 months later...

My daughter is 18 months old now and what a gift. I can't believe how amazing being a mom truly is. She's eating 2nd breakfast right now, she cracks me up. Kids are truly amazing these days, how quick they learn, how early they are doing things. She talks, she does most things herself and gets very frustrated when you try to do it for her... Being a mom is truly rewarding in ways I could have never imagined. And my little girl is lucky, she also has a wonderful dad. He's amazing with her, you can see the love oozing out of him whenever he is near her. It's a beautiful thing and makes it all worth it.

I'm actually lucky in a lot of aspects. I've got an amazing daughter, an amazing significant other, an amazing mom and an amazing brother. I also have amazing in-laws, especially my mother-in-law and not many girls can say that. My life is wonderful for once and I honestly couldn't ask for anything more.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

And yet another curve ball...

I have a daughter. A very unplanned daughter. It's not the end of the world, it's actually a new beginning, but scary nonetheless. She's beautiful. I found out November 17th, 2009 and couldn't believe what I was hearing, I was pregnant? With my first child at age 30? After everything else I've been through, that was the last thing I ever expected to hear. But here she is and so far all is well for once. Actually it's better then well, she's was meant to be. Overall, I am trying harder to be healthier which is important for my health issues as well as the over all time I'm here for her. I've always eaten healthy but now I am way more active too and maybe soon enough I won't be over weight. I'm not morbidly obese or anything but I'm bigger then I'd like to be and now I have help in losing that weight.

She was born July 3, 2010, 6lbs 11oz, 19 in long. She's almost 2 months old now and I still can't believe she's real. It's amazing really, how a child can change your life, especially when it wasn't in the plans. Crazy the curve balls life throws at you.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I don't even know anymore

Yet once again I am in pain. Why must I suffer so? What did I do to deserve this? I mean for a while I will admit that I was a shitty person but I have more then paid for said shitty actions and now it's just getting ridiculous. I found out today that my pain is now being caused by an ovarian cyst. The entire left side of my abdomen is swollen and it all feels like it's going to burst and god forbid something should put the slightest bit of pressure on my stomach, jesus. This is bullshit.

On top of all this, I just found out that my asshole piece of shit soon to be ex husband just had his baby. We have been living separately since January 2008 and we are still not divorced. The reason: he won't agree to pay half of our mutual bills. That's it, just half of bills we racked up while we were married for a little over a year and he refuses to pay half. I don't want him to pay for it all, I just want him to pay for half. I think that is pretty fair, they are half his responsibility so he should pay half and he is still fighting me on it despite the fact that him and his girlfriend just had a baby. I mean do the math, by September of last year she was pregnant. That is barely 7 months after we went our separate ways. We were married for a little over a year and we were together for a year before that. I left him because he was abusive. He constantly put me down, treated me like shit and insulted me for having health issues. I've been sick since I was 18. I am now 29. He knew I was sick when we started dating, I am always very honest about it because I know it makes life difficult and I don't want to get anyone into my mess of a life without warning. He told me he loved me anyways and wanted to be there for me no matter what. Turns out he was full of shit. As soon as things started getting a little hard, he bailed. I also do not want children which he was very aware of. After about 6 months of being married, he started asking when we were going to have kids, as if I wasn't serious about not wanting kids. Amazing. He promised me he didn't want kids, well obviously that was a lie and obviously he never took a word I said seriously. God I hate him. They had a girl and named her Atilla. Atilla! Are you serious? Poor child. And to make things even more awesome, they didn't even have the crib ready for the child's arrival. The baby apparently slept in a wooden box and may still be sleeping there. Who fucking knows. All I know is he's a piece of shit and I can't wait until he does something terrible to his current girlfriend because she's stuck with him for life. I got out while I still could.

Friday, April 24, 2009

New life

How do you start over? Where do you begin? How do you get life back after it's been taken away from you for so long? It's so frustrating. Useless for 5 years and now I have the energy and ambition of a 18 year old. I don't even know where to start. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy, but I just don't know where to begin.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Personal Mission

I have decided to make it my personal mission to educate others on Celiac and how it may be causing your pain. If you have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, get checked for Celiac Disease or gluten intolerance. Get checked! I lost 10 years of my life because no one knew.

Monday, April 20, 2009

My story - Gluten-Free Vegan

I have recently gotten into using the internet more and more to find answers to the questions no one ever seems to know. I have fallen in love. The internet is wonderful and I have much appreciation for those who put information on it regularly, let me tell you why:

I have been sick for years and I just got sick of being sick so I wanted some answers. Nothing has made sense for me since I was about 18. When I was 20, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. My symptoms started as insanely painful leg spasms when I would get tired or walk too far, too fast. I thought I was just pushing myself to far but even when I would back down and do less, it still hurt. So I went to the doctor and they tested me for everything that fit including a laundry list of autoimmune diseases. Everything came back negative, so we moved on the the Fibro tests, tender points, etc. I had all 18 tender points so that was that, I was diagnosed. Ever since, life has been an up and down battle.

At first things weren't so bad, so I was in pain some times, big whoop. My doc gave me muscle relaxers and pain killers along with trying a ton of anti-depressants (none of which worked). Shortly after, my doctor moved and then so did I. I was in a new place with a new job and things were looking pretty decent for about 2 years, then all hell broke loose. All of a sudden I wasn't able to do anything, eat anything and my whole body felt like it was revolting against itself. I went from working 40 to 80 hours a week to not being able to keep my job or even being able to attend school. I couldn't afford to live where I did without work so I moved again. By this time, I'm 24.

Now I went from having my own place to living with 5 other people just to afford rent. I was living off the system, fighting for Social Security Disability. I was practically bed ridden and rarely left the house much less my bedroom. I got a dog to keep me company and he saved me for the time being, gave me reason to get up in the morning, force myself to go on. I found a Neurologist that specialized in Fibro and CFS and after trying a few different things she put me on MS Contin to kill the pain. Now it's the middle of 2005 and I'm 25, making the most painful decision in my life. By then end of the year I was able to try to go back to work. I did most of my work at home but at least it was something because by now my life is in the toilet. In this time I start discovering new food allergies, the first one was rice, something I had eaten all my life and is now putting me in the hospital with anaphylactic shock. Scary stuff.

By the end of 2005, I am doing major research about food allergies and I come across a little bit of information about Celiac disease. To my surprise, all of my symptoms I am now suffering with fit. I am bursting at this point. I ask my allergist to test for it, he does, and it come back negative (what ever blood test he did anyways) but he does tell me that does NOT necessarily mean I don't have it so I should try a gluten free diet. But being allergic to rice made this interesting. I went gluten free after much debating and within a few months I felt like a million bucks (well almost). After about a year of being gluten free, I wasn't completely well so I thought maybe it was the MS Contin and not the gluten free that fixed it so I go back on gluten.

At first this was fine. I was still able to work with limitations and live my life carefully, now it's the late in 2007. After almost a year of trying to avoid gluten but occasionally eating it, I was getting worse, much worse. So now I know, it's the gluten. And I no longer trust doctors, at all.

Fast forward to today. I am off gluten and MS Contin. I am also off everything else that makes me feel icky and consider myself a Gluten Free Vegan (as the lactose also upset my bowels). It's been a tough run, but now I have help and a wealth of information thanks to all the other people in the world that got fed up. There is so much information out there now that wasn't there 4 or 5 years ago. I know so much more and although I'm pissed no one caught it earlier, I'm happy to now know what I know and will continue to help educate others, whether they want it or not.


I forgot I made this. And just randomly came across it now. Talk about a weird trip.